It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
