She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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