how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
