u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
