my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No subtext here. People are naked.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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