I think i peed on brittanys purse
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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