what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
