so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
