I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
