I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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