She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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