I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
