They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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