I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
