i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
