I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
