But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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