Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
