Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
