Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
