Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
this is an emotional support booty call
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
