I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
