I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
