you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
