he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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