I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
