Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
