'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
