youre lurking in front of me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
