I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
