I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
