Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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