Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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