I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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