Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
