pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
