A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
