dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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