This is not my ceiling
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
