I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
