I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
