totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
