i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Success! We fucked roommates!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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