How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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