i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
