Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
