He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
