guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
