I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
