We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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