His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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