Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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