Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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